Division of Spousal & Relational Conduct
Case BIC-SRC-4787
Priority: Standard
| Complainant | Wife |
| Subject | Husband |
| Presenting behavior | Asks questions he has already answered in his own head |
| Frequency | Every conversation involving a decision |
| Awareness of behavior | None |
Description
The subject is the kind of person whose answer to his own question is already in his head before he asks it. The question is not a question. It is a courtesy notification dressed as an inquiry. The respondent's input is decorative. It is collected, acknowledged, and then set gently aside while the subject proceeds with whatever he was always going to do.
Documented incidents
Incident 1 — Subject asks: "Should we get the blue one or the grey one?" Complainant says the blue one. Subject says "yeah" and buys the grey one. When asked why he asked, subject says "I wanted to hear your thoughts."
Incident 2 — Subject asks: "What should we have for dinner?" Complainant suggests pasta. Subject says "or we could do curry." They have curry. Complainant notes that the curry ingredients were already purchased before the question was asked.
Incident 3 — Subject asks: "Do you think I should reply to this email?" Complainant says no. Subject replies to the email while complainant is still explaining why not.
Incident 4 — Subject asks: "Should we leave at 2 or 2:30?" Complainant says 2:30. They leave at 2. Subject was already wearing shoes when he asked.
Analysis
The Bureau has reviewed the pattern and determined that the subject's questions serve a social function rather than an informational one. He is not seeking input. He is seeking the experience of having sought input. The question creates the appearance of a collaborative decision-making process without the inconvenience of an actual one. This allows the subject to believe he is considerate while doing exactly what he intended from the beginning.
Recommendation
The complainant has two options. Option one: stop answering the questions. This will not change the outcome but will save time. Option two: answer with the thing the subject clearly wants, thereby converting a false question into a real agreement and restoring the dignity of the exchange. Neither option is satisfying. The Bureau acknowledges this.